Dr. Emily AronoffTransform Your Tot Shabbat: 10 Books to Elevate Your Impact
As a songleader and Jewish educator, I’m constantly searching for inspiration to create meaningful experiences for families through music. Whether it’s during a Tot Shabbat session or a community gathering, I’ve experienced firsthand how insights from these books can transform the way families connect with their leaders, their community, and each other. These 10 books have been game-changers for me, shaping the way I approach engagement and community building. 11/10 Recommend.
1) Scientist in the Crib by Alison Gopnik (@gopnikalison), Andrew Meltzoff, and Patricia Kuhl
Focus: This book explores the powerful, scientific ways young children interpret the world, much like miniature scientists. The authors examine children’s cognitive development, highlighting the importance of play, curiosity, and exploration in learning. Through this lens, they demonstrate how young children are constantly building hypotheses, testing boundaries, and adjusting to new information. If you want a preview of Dr. Gopnik’s brilliance, watch her Ted Talk: What Do Babies Think
Why It’s Relevant: These insights empower Tot Shabbat leaders to design programs that align with children’s natural developmental stages and curious minds. Also- learning these fascinating facts about child development means that you can then share them with others, and presenting yourself as a person who studies children is going to help parents understand how you prioritize their babies. Understanding the science behind how children learn fosters a Tot Shabbat that feels engaging and purposeful for young participants. The author highlights the incredible capacity of young children, which can help clarify observations and deepen invitations.
“Babies and young children are not only profoundly engaged in trying to make sense of the world around them, they are also profoundly engaged in trying to make sense of the people around them.”
2) Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy (@drbeckyatgoodinside)
Focus: Dr. Kennedy’s approach centers on compassionate parenting, where children’s challenging behaviors are seen as opportunities for growth rather than problems to fix. She outlines methods for connecting with children, building on the idea that children are “good inside” and thrive when their behaviors are understood and met with empathy. She’s been called “The Millennial Parent Whisperer” so your audience may well be familiar with her content. I’m an enormous fan of her podcast of the same name: Good Inside Podcast.
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s compassionate approach has transformed how I guide songleaders working with kiddos- by better understanding challenging behaviors, leaders can create a calm and inclusive environment.
Why It’s Relevant: For Tot Shabbat, this approach encourages leaders to create inclusive environments where each child is supported and seen as inherently good. This empathetic framework can transform Tot Shabbat into a welcoming space, making families feel safe and valued.
“We can’t change our children unless we also work on changing ourselves. And, when we do, they’re more likely to meet us where we are.”
3) The Spiritual Child by Lisa Miller (@dr.lisamiller)
For me, reading The Spiritual Child was a truly transformative experience. It helped me connect the dots between my own spiritual development and the work I do to guide children and families on their journeys. This newfound awareness deepened my sense of purpose, giving me greater clarity in helping families engage with their spirituality. I also recommend Miller’s follow-up book, The Awakened Brain, which takes these ideas further, exploring how spirituality enriches mental health and unlocks resilience even in the face of adversity.
Focus: For Tot Shabbat leaders, this book redefines the program as more than a fun family gathering—it becomes a sacred opportunity for nurturing spiritual growth in children and their families. The Spiritual Child emphasizes that spirituality is not a peripheral aspect of development but a critical one, providing tools for resilience and well-being. We can draw from this research to frame Tot Shabbat as an integral part of a family’s spiritual journey, offering both immediate and lifelong benefits.
By sharing these ideas with families, congregations can highlight the invaluable role of sacred community in fostering emotional and spiritual health. She reveals the enormous benefits that a strong spiritual connection offers people of every age and stage.
Why It’s Relevant: This book redefines the program as more than a fun family gathering—it becomes a sacred opportunity for nurturing spiritual growth in children and their families. The Spiritual Child emphasizes that spirituality is not a peripheral aspect of development but a critical one, providing tools for resilience and well-being. Jewish educators can draw from this research to frame Tot Shabbat as an integral part of a family’s spiritual journey, offering both immediate and lifelong benefits. By sharing these ideas with families, congregations can highlight the invaluable role of sacred community in fostering emotional and spiritual health.
“Children are born with a natural spirituality and a sense of the sacred… if we embrace it, we can give our children an essential source of well-being, wisdom, and wholeness.”
4) The Amen Effect by Sharon Brous (@sharonbrous)
Focus: This book investigates how communal spiritual practices, such as shared affirmations like saying “Amen,” bring people closer together, creating stronger connections and a sense of unity. Brous discusses how shared rituals build a collective sense of faith and purpose, strengthening individual bonds within the community.
Why It’s Relevant: Tot Shabbat can be a powerful communal experience by incorporating interactive rituals that foster connection, and drawing from that wealth of expertise. Inspired by The Amen Effect, leaders can design Tot Shabbat services where families feel uplifted and included in a shared spiritual journey.
“A simple ‘Amen’… binds a congregation in faith, affirming both the individual and collective voice.”
5) Building a Story brand by Donald Miller (@donaldmiller)
Focus: Donald Miller introduces a framework that places the audience at the center of an organization’s story, showing how to clarify messaging in a way that speaks directly to people’s needs and emotions. The book details how clear, concise communication creates stronger connections with audiences.
Why It’s Relevant: This book is an incredibly potent guide to messaging and marketing, an opportunity for growth I’ve observed in almost every congregation I’ve known. For Tot Shabbat leaders, this framework helps refine messaging to show families why Tot Shabbat matters to them personally. By positioning Tot Shabbat as an experience that enriches family life, leaders can create outreach that resonates deeply with young families and builds meaningful connections.
“People don’t buy the best products and services; they buy the ones they can understand the fastest.”
6) The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker (@priyaparker)
Focus: Priya Parker discusses the principles of hosting meaningful gatherings, exploring what makes an event impactful and memorable. She advocates for intentionality in everything from the invite list to the setting and structure, emphasizing that gathering is an art form with the potential to transform and connect.
Why It’s Relevant: This book encourages Tot Shabbat leaders to approach each session with purpose, ensuring that every gathering feels welcoming and significant. By implementing Parker’s techniques, leaders reframe the approach to design their Tot Shabbat into an experience that strengthens family communal connections. She highlights the critical role of identifying a purpose for your gathering.
“The role of the host is to set the tone and create an atmosphere of trust and openness.”
7) Families and Faith: How Religion is Passed Down across Generations by Vern Bengtson
Focus: Bengtson’s long-term study reveals insights into how faith and religious identity are sustained across generations. His research highlights the role of family dynamics, traditions, and parental influence on the religious lives of children and their likelihood of maintaining that identity as adults.
Why It’s Relevant: This research underscores the value of family-centered programs like Tot Shabbat in cultivating enduring Jewish identity. By creating a nurturing, family-oriented Tot Shabbat, congregations are more likely to strengthen Jewish values and traditions across generations. In particular, he they highlight the need to intentionally connect generations, and avoid segmentation which has become typical (so invite folks of all ages to Tot Shabbat!). The research highlights the significant role parents play in shaping their children’s religious outlook, emphasizing the importance of active and positive parental involvement in faith-based activities.
“Despite enormous changes in American society, a child is actually more likely to remain within the fold than leave it.”
8) The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt (@jonhaidt)
Focus: Jonathan Haidt examines the rise of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges among young people, particularly since the widespread adoption of smartphones and social media. He argues that these technologies not only act as “experience blockers” by limiting face-to-face interaction and unstructured play but also distort young people’s sense of self.
Social media amplifies perfectionism, comparison, and external validation, making it harder for young people to develop a strong, authentic identity. Haidt emphasizes that real-life experiences, especially those involving diverse and meaningful relationships with adults, are critical for building resilience and emotional stability.
Why It’s Relevant: Tot Shabbat leaders can use these insights to create spaces that prioritize authentic connection and relational experiences. By fostering a screen-free, community-centered environment, Tot Shabbat offers families a chance to reconnect with each other and the broader community. Incorporating diverse adult role models into these experiences helps children see themselves reflected in a supportive, multi-generational context, which is essential for building a healthy sense of self. This intentional approach allows Tot Shabbat to act as a counterbalance to the isolating and anxiety-inducing effects of digital life, giving families a place to feel grounded, supported, and fully present.
“The phone-based life makes it difficult for people to be fully present with others when they are with others, and to sit silently with themselves when they are alone.”
9) This Is Your Brain on Music by Daniel Levitin (@daniellevitin)
Focus: Levitin explores the profound connection between music and the human brain. He delves into how music influences our emotions, memories, and cognitive development, highlighting its role in human evolution and social bonding. Levitin discusses how musical experiences engage multiple brain regions, fostering emotional expression and enhancing learning processes.
Why It’s Relevant: For Tot Shabbat leaders, understanding the neurological impact of music can enhance program effectiveness. Incorporating music thoughtfully into Tot Shabbat sessions can create engaging and memorable experiences for young children and their families. Music can serve as a tool to facilitate emotional connections, aid in the retention of spiritual teachings, and strengthen community bonds. By leveraging the power of music, leaders can create a more immersive and impactful Tot Shabbat experience that resonates with participants on a deeper level. By harnessing music’s power, Tot Shabbat sessions can become deeply resonant, evoking joy and a sense of togetherness.
“Music is the language of memory. It contains all the emotions we’ve felt, all the scenes we’ve lived.”
10) The Singing Neanderthals by Steven Mithen (@stevenmithen)
Focus: This book traces the evolutionary origins of music and language, arguing that music played a crucial role in human social bonding and communication long before language fully developed. Mithen provides insights into how early humans used music to build cohesive social groups.
Why It’s Relevant: For Tot Shabbat, this book highlights the social power of music, illustrating its role in fostering bonds and emotional expression. By relying on the incredibly impactful connective capacity of music, Tot Shabbat becomes a space for families to connect deeply, echoing ancient practices of shared musical experience. Understanding the deep evolutionary connection between music and social cohesion underscores the importance of incorporating music into Tot Shabbat programs. By engaging families in shared musical experiences, leaders can tap into this ancient mechanism to strengthen community bonds, facilitate emotional expression, and create a sense of unity. This approach not only enriches the spiritual experience but also fosters a supportive and connected community environment.
“Music may be the activity that prepared our pre-human ancestors for speech communication and for the very cognitive, representational flexibility necessary to become humans.”
These books have not only shaped my understanding of family engagement and child development but have also deepened my passion for creating welcoming, vibrant Tot Shabbat spaces. Whether you’re looking to strengthen intergenerational connections, engage young families, or foster spiritual growth, these insights provide an inspiring roadmap.
If you’re interested in applying these ideas in your community, I’d love to chat about how I can support your Tot Shabbat and family engagement goals. Book a connection call, and let’s discuss ways to build a program that truly resonates with today’s young families and sustains Jewish life for generations.
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