Song Structure

The A part is the chorus, and I like to sing it twice. The B part is the zipper, where a participant fills the blank and the group answers. Then the final chorus lifts a key and changes one word, from you to we, because by then the circle has widened to include whoever is leading.

The recording holds four passes of the zipper. Live, you decide, and I usually let the room tell me.

Lyrics

A part, sung twice:

This will be our guide
You are good inside
No matter what you do
You’re good, and I love you

B part, the zipper, naming challenging behaviors each time:

Leader, taken by a participant: Even if I ________
Group: You are good inside

Final chorus:

This will be our guide
We are good inside
No matter what we do
We’re good, and I love you
I love you

Rationale

This song is grounded in a relational, attachment-informed stance that intentionally separates behavior from identity for both children and the adults who care for them.

Much of our societal narrative assigns value and judgment to children in ways that are often unfair, developmentally inappropriate, and deeply ingrained. Children are labeled as good, bad, easy, or difficult based on behavior that is frequently rooted in stress, unmet needs, or immature regulation skills. Over time, those judgments can become internalized.

This song offers a different message, stated plainly and repeatedly: you are good inside, even when things are hard, even when your best isn’t great.

Sung during calm moments, transitions, or periods of co-regulation, the song supports emotional safety by protecting identity while behavior is still being guided. The even if structure allows challenging moments to be named without attaching shame. The behavior can be addressed. The relationship remains intact.

This message is not only for children. Many adults were raised without the confidence that securely attached emotionally mature caregivers can offer. Singing this together serves as a reminder to adults as well: you are good inside. You do not have to earn your goodness by staying calm or getting it right.

Protecting a sacred sense of self while still guiding behavior supports resilience, trust, and long-term emotional growth.

Benefits

• Separates behavior from identity in a form a kiddo can carry
• Rehearses naming something hard while staying connected, which is reflection in its smallest and safest formr
• Reaches the grown-ups in the room with the same message rather than handing it down to the kiddos alone
• Offers multiple entry points, since singing, listening, zipping (contributing a line), and reflecting all count

How to Use This Song

I like to open by saying something simple, and I say:

I’m going to tell you something that is true. It might seem simple, but very brilliant people sometimes forget this, so we are going to sing a song to help everyone remember: This will be our guide, you are good inside, no matter what you do, you’re good and I love you.”

Then sing the A part twice, and open the zipper.

I’ll explain that it is a zipper song and ask the participants to take a moment to brainstorm an example of a challenging behavior or poor choice they know about (it doesn’t have to be something they did, thats too hard to admit for some folks and I’m not into pressure).

Use this in calm moments, it won’t work in the hard ones without rehearsal. When somebody is activated is not the moment to teach them anything, so we want the repertoire in their bodies before there is ever a reason to reach for it.

Teaching Tips for the Zipper

In all my zipper songs I start by exampling and inviting, and I take the first turn myself so nobody has to go first into an empty room. Keep your face and voice identical no matter what comes back, and go straight into the response without commenting on anybody’s offer or improving it. The response is the whole point, and it never changes.

I never require anyone to speak their idea aloud, because I do not want to put a single person on the spot. I ask folks to show me with a hand if they want to contribute, and if I am going around the room, I say up front that they can put a finger on their lips if they would like me to pass them. And I name listening and reflecting as real participation, out loud, because they are.

Name hard moments in the blank without shame. Even if you had a big feeling. Even if the tower fell. The behavior gets guided, and the goodness stays.

Jewish Context: God Made Us and Loves US

B’tzelem elohim. We are made in the divine image, and on the first page of our sacred text our creator looks at all of it and calls it tov me’od, very good. A person’s worth arrives before their behavior does and holds regardless of it.

In order to prepare to return to our best selves, we must remember that that goodness exists. Teshuvah means turning back, which assumes a self worth returning toward, so I released this song ahad of Elul long before anyone is asked to look at what went wrong, because I know we have to be able to be secure enough to tolerate the discomfort of naming what we need to change in order to change it.

If you want the story behind this song and why I wrote it, that is in A Good Inside Song for Kids, Inspired by Dr. Becky Kennedy.